I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
