maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
