come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
