OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Quick, to the slutcave!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
