I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
