We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
