I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So vagazzling was a success
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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