Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
