omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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