You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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