it wasn't lemon gatorade
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My vagina is officially offended.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
