oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
