i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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