You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
