it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
