"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
