ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
