hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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