Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
