i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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Houston, we have a squirter
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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