I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
