i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
