I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
