I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Couch. On fire.
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