if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
