I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
