this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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