You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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