Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.