he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office