i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.