So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"