OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.