meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
