"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
