The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
