Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
