You made me cry and you don't even care
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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