Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
