I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
