I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
