guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
