Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
