Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
