My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
