I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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