you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
