I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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