I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
