I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
