I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
