Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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