let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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