Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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