Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
