Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize