I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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