Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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