the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
