This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your dad touched me again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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