I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
