I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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