Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
