Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
