hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
