today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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