3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
