I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
