you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize