my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
