Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
