New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
